(Nathan Lane enters, dressed in a tux with vest).

    Man, you look like you stepped out of a Matthew Brady photograph.

NL: (laughs) ... your honor! (examining a piece of confetti) These are gift certificates to Dunkin' Donuts*. (to audience) Grab one on the way out!

DL: How ya doin', buddy? You look great. You're all spiffed up for the New Year.

NL: Well, I'm so excited because I'm here for the ... it's called the Million Drunk March. You know, it's the only time of year in Times Square when people will rub up against you for free.

DL: Yeah, you don't wanna miss that!

DL: Good to see you. I know you're busy with your film career, your stage career - you've got another film coming out and, of course, your television show. How's that going - the TV show - the Encore! Encore! ?

NL: (deadpan) What? Oh, I'm sorry, Dave, I'm not doing a TV show. I do film and theatre. I've won a Tony Award ... I won an Emmy, I don't need another one! (Dave laughs) I love ya like a brother, but I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

DL: You're in denial. You have a television show.

NL: (shamefaced, crying) ... oh ... I do? Alright. My name is Nathan and I did a series for NBC.

    (laughter and applause)

DL: It'll be alright.

NL: It's called Encore! Encore! or, as it's more commonly known as No More! No More!

DL: You know, I've seen the show. I thought it was pretty good.

NL: Oh, you're the one! Many people have asked what it's like being on network television and all I can say is, remember the first twenty-five minutes of Saving Private Ryan?

DL: Yeah.

NL: It's not quite as light hearted. You want to get rid of Saddam Hussein? Put him on the NBC fall schedule. Wanna censure Bill Clinton? Make him a regular on Conrad Bloom.

DL: I don't know what that is. That's the point, I guess.

NL: That's what I say!

DL: Exactly. Tell me about the project you're working on ... you just finished ... the film is coming up?

NL: Oh, yes, At First Sight is coming out with Val Kilmer and Mira Sorvino.

DL: Oh, man are you kidding me?

NL: No.

DL: Oh man, turn out the lights and call the cops!

NL: (laughs) ... and then I'm working with Brando ... turn out the lights and call the cops?

DL: Yeah, it's just a silly thing to say.

NL: Oh. It beats "two thumbs up".

DL: Because it sounds like a great cast. Mira Sorvino ... easy on the eyes, am I right?

NL: Yeah.

DL: Well, what's the story of the film?

NL: Well, it's based on an Oliver Saks story about a man who loses his sight, who has been blind since infancy, and then his girlfriend talks him into trying this operation and he regains his sight. But it kind of screws up his whole life.

DL: Because now, all of a sudden, everything that he's learned to perceive without sight is right there, 3-dimensionally.

NL: Absolutely.

DL: And you play the evil genius? (Nathan laughs) Just taking a guess here.

NL: (in Boris Karloff voice) ... I take him to my lab ... here, put this in your eyes!

     No, actually, I just wanted to play a role where I wasn't insane, either in a dress or chasing a mouse

    (laughter and applause)

     I'm just a guy in a sweater.

DL: Just a guy in a sweater.

DL: Sounds like a good film.

NL: It's a lovely film. And I have the beard because I'm going to work with Kenneth Branagh, to do ...

DL: My God, I don't even feel like I can even be talking to you. You're like such a huge deal now.

NL: No, it's Dave's world!

DL: No, you used to be the toast of Broadway and now you're the toast of the silver screen as well.

NL: Thank God I have that to fall back on. (loosening collar) Cause I don't think television's for me. Oh, I love this show!

DL: When are you coming back to Broadway?

NL: It's possible - this Sondheim musical ... I've been involved in some workshops and so that may happen ...

DL: Good for you.

NL: ... in the fall.

DL: And you're gonna do a little something for us here tonight? Not only are you gonna do a little something for us here tonight, you're gonna blow the lid off the dump!

NL: I am.

DL: Nathan Lane - gonna blow the roof off the dump. Ladies and gentleman ...